The Past

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. C.S. Lewis

If I had known beforehand that I would be upgraded to business class at no extra cost, I would have dressed the part. But there I was in sweats, hair that had not seen a comb in many weeks (blame #teamnatural) and boots which had seen better years days. In an attempt to look somewhat presentable, I pushed my hair under a beanie hat I found in my carryon bag while searching, in vain, for a lipstick.

Well played universe.

I was having mixed feelings about relocating to Nigeria. After living abroad for four years, I hoped I would find a place back home. Four years, one added degree and some money in the bank; the abroad had been good to me. I had a good job, friends that had become closer than family, an apartment and neighbourhood I had grown really fond of, a church I felt I belonged in. Now it was time to move back.

I tried to push all the dark thoughts of fear and uncertainty about my decision and the future away, and tried to focus on the present.

I was moving back in style! What? It was my first time in Business class and I could not believe my luck.

If business class be like this, how first class go be? How all those other better airlines own go be?

I ignored the disapproving look of the Louis Vuitton bag carrying chic sitting beside me and took as many selfies as I could. I also strategically placed my Radley dog tag and hoped she would recognise the brand.

I was very happy.

I could not wait to tell him about the experience.

Ugo.

My Ugo. One of the few reasons I was really looking forward to going back home. A lot of time had passed and I hoped we could be friends again. I wondered if he would want to be more than friends. Again.

We had been inseparable for many years. Then THE ARGUMENT happened. It had been four years, but it still hurt.

How do you go from best friends to complete strangers?

We had made plans; we were going to get married and travel round the world.

And then we had nothing.

Then I had to travel out of Nigeria a few days after the fight. It was the worst possible timing. He tried calling a few times but I decided to ignore him when he suggested that we remain friends for old times’ sake.

I called him a week before my journey for the very first time since THE ARGUMENT and he said he would pick me up at the airport.

I was excited.

He had sounded excited.

The air hostess appeared with drinks. As the seat divider went down, I noticed for the first time, the incredibly cute guy sitting on the other side. Then I remembered that I did not exactly look my best. Good thing I was not interested in him. I reclined my seat and adopted a comfortable but not likely to sleep posture and plugged in my head phones. I remembered that one time I slept off during a flight and missed the food. Not today. Not in business class.

Ugo sent his company driver to pick me up from the airport.

I didn't even know he had a company.

I didn't even know he had a driver.

What else did I NEED to know?

“Oga never marry Ma, but e get one Aunty wia dey always come office. Me I no know if e go soon marry sha as I be common driver. Err Ma, e be like say e don tey wia you with Oga see...” The driver replied when I asked if Ugo was married.

“Common driver indeed”, I thought. I decided to end the conversation if I did not want to be the topic of discussion at the company.

I met up with Ugo later that night at the Conch. I chose the restaurant because I had heard so much about the Chapman served there, thanks to twitter. I could not wait to find out if it was worth all the hype.

He was waiting for me.

He looked very good in his casual tee and jeans, without the noticeable pot-belly that many successful young men seem to have these days.

I had missed him so much.

We hugged and I almost could not let go.

He smelled different... probably expensive cologne.

He smelled the same... warm, safe; he smelled like home.

We were both speechless for a while. Then the words came pouring out and we could not talk fast enough.

The waiter appeared and I was about to order my glass of Chapman when Ugo persuaded me to try the ‘house special smoothie’.

“Just try it Soph, it is really good”, he said.

Turned out to be blended ugwu and some other fruits and vegetables; I was almost sure I could taste bitter leaf.

“Haba Ugo, you know I have a sweet tooth. How can this taste nice?” I wondered.

“I know it has this slightly bitter...” He started.

“Slightly?!!!”

“Trust me Sophia, I didn’t like it initially but Kate swears by it and the taste grows on you”

“Kate?”

“My girlfriend.” He stated.

I was silent.

He held my hands.

“I’m sorry Soph.”

I nodded. “There’s no need to be sorry Ugo. It has been four years; I didn’t expect you to wait.”

“I waited Soph. I called you, I tried to reach you but you shut me out”

“You wanted us to be just friends.”

“No Soph, what we had was precious and I was on the verge of losing you. I was willing to do anything to keep you. To keep us. So I thought if I appeared less threatening as a friend, then maybe...”

I was silent.

He said he had to go to the restroom and would be back shortly. I nodded and pushed my drink to the side immediately after he got up.

My mind was in turmoil. So many questions about what could have, would have and should have happened were running through my mind. Again, I felt that crippling fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that maybe my best years were behind. What if he was my one true love and I had lost him? What if I had made the wrong decision by moving back to Nigeria? All the fears that I had tried to push back came rushing back.

Then some Bible verses popped into my head:

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you”. Psalm 32: 8

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

And my God shall meet all your needs according to the riches of His Glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

I was still meditating on these verses when the waiter appeared with a tall glass of Chapman and a note “from the gentleman at the far end of the room”.

The note read: It’s almost a sin to leave this place without having the Chapman.

P.S. Thank goodness you have dumped the beanie hat J.

It was the cute guy from the flight.

I smiled and raised my glass

To the future!

THE BEST IS YET TO COME. HAPPY 2015.

Song reference: “In Christ alone”- Stuart Townend & Keith Getty
Image source: http://clampart.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Arnold_The-Past.jpg