Doors

I never learnt to shut the door behind me. I remember Aunty Bimpe scolding me for leaving the door open. I must have been five or six years old at the time. The freshly made pot of Ogbono soup had been left on the cold kitchen floor, with the lid covering half off the pot. We had not had electricity in months; this was how we preserved our food. I left the back door ajar so the flies came in and rendered the soup inedible.

“When you do not close the doors, Sarah, the flies come in. The rats and cockroaches also...” Aunty Bimpe said.

I shuddered.

I am afraid of rats.

Two weeks later, I was home alone with Aunty Bimpe. I was asleep and Aunty Bimpe wanted to go to the market for some groceries. So she put me in her bed, locked the door, and went out.

She met me in tears, screaming and banging on the door when she returned.

When you left the first time, I didn’t shut the door behind you.

Things had changed forever.

You could no longer be mine.

I could no longer be yours.

But I left the door open.

You slipped in easily that Saturday night.

We talked about the past:

The suya spot where you kissed me for the very first time,

The park; where the words ‘I love you’ slipped out of your mouth for the first time. You looked as shocked as I was.

The church, during Jide and Toyin’s wedding. You looked at me and your eyes echoed my thoughts – ‘Soon’.

Then you left before midnight.

You always leave before midnight.

The preacher walked by my window at exactly 6am yesterday. Five years and he has never missed a day or been late for his early morning sermons.

“Do it for the pounded yam and egusi soup in your future; not the suya in your past.” He said.

I smiled.

The preacher always has the right word for me.

I shut the door last night.

The monsters crept out from the shadows reminding me of that unforgettable day so many years ago.

“You are alone. You will always be alone.” They taunted menacingly as they closed in.

I shut my eyes and tried to remind myself that the voices were only in my head.

Then I heard his voice.

“Do not be afraid, I will never leave you nor forsake you”.

The preacher, for the first time ever, was preaching at night.

Bible references: Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6,8 

Hello Inverness

First, a bathroom selfie! Because when you take unplanned journeys, unplanned bathroom trips happen.  Also because large mirrors are a solo traveller’s dream come true.

A few weeks ago, I got a free return ticket to Edinburgh, valid until the 28th of February. So the initial plan was to wake up very early today, take the first train out, visit the zoo +/- the castle, and take the last train back home. While planning the trip, I discovered that I would not be able to return on the same day due to many issues which I won't bore you with.

So, Plan B! I decided to try to change the date on the ticket to a more favourable one. Unfortunately, this was not possible and I could not get a refund would also. Anyway, that's how I found myself on a train to Inverness to avoid losing the ticket altogether.

Look what I found in Inverness (minus the warm bread roll I got when I asked for a PANINI :( )

River Ness

Faith, Hope and Charity. Actually, That's Charity on the left (caring for the child), Faith in the middle (with the Bible), and Hope on the right (providing a much needed anchor for the soul). We already know Charity aka Love is the greatest, right?

And I took the best long walk ever. Cue in Jill Scott's a long walk (without the lover :( ) So much Green!

                                                                           
Still a lot of grey and naked trees. Hauntingly beautiful.

And a monument for the brave ones who laid down their lives during the first world war.

Not exactly the right pair of shoes, but I wanted to rest the sneakers.

And I'll be starting my diet tomorrow (side eye yourself), so I bought this! I had the best caramel latte today to warm up for this. Oh yes, I also got a size 8 shirt to inspire me. I kid. I kid.

I really enjoyed my short impromptu visit to the capital of the Scottish Highlands! This country is so fine when the weather is not trying to kill you.

Hope

Hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.

I have a lot of expectations and desires. I am hoping that many (good) things will happen to me and for me this year. Three major expectations stand out. These three have somehow moved from the region of things that I want to happen to things that I need to happen. I spend many hours thinking about them, worrying about them and praying about them.

Maybe I spend too much time thinking and worrying, and too little time praying. I don’t know.

Have these things become so important to me that I have lost sight of other more vital things? I don’t know.

In the past week, I have met a number of people with similar desires, people who need the same things that I do. As we talked, many feelings were expressed. Feelings of despair, discouragement, depression, hopelessness, resignation...

I remember asking how the non-Christian copes with this burden because I draw my strength and hope from the promises of God.

But I cannot say these feelings have not crept in. When we feel that we cannot wait anymore, what do we do?

What do we do when our faith is tested?

When all we have to lean on is God’s word even when we cannot see.

When we have to shut out other voices and believe that in spite of it all, God loves us and is always with us.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare [even] His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?

Oh, help me to believe Lord.

But we are not without hope. I guess that’s what makes the difference between the believer and the unbeliever.

We have hope in God. And God never fails.

Psalm 16:9-11

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;

My flesh also will rest in hope.

For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,

Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.

You will show me the path of life;

In Your presence is fullness of joy;

At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

So I'll stand like the tree in winter; shed all my leaves but stay rooted. I'll wait for the rain because surely, spring will come, the rains will fall, the sun will shine. My leaves will be green again.

And one of these days, I will say these words: “I remember when I prayed for the things I now have”.

Picture: http://quotesgram.com/hope-quotes-from-the-bible/

First date diaries – Ida and Tola

Uncle Bola had forgotten his wallet at home. When Sisi Yemisi entered the shop with her cooler of hot soft Moimoi, he had turned so quickly that Stan very narrowly missed nicking his ear. As Sisi Yemisi sashayed into the shop, Stan wondered if Uncle Bola was more interested in the seller than the product.

“Ha! My daughter, how are you doing today?”, Uncle Bola smiled at Sisi Yemisi.

But Sisi Yemisi rolled her eyes and stared pointedly at Uncle Bola’s wedding ring.

“It is two for 150 Naira Sir, things have cost.” She replied.

“Ahn Ahn, you cannot answer ordinary greeting again shey? Okay give me four”. Uncle Bola put his hands in his right pocket to retrieve his wallet. Then he searched his left, back and breast pockets. Then he got up and shook himself, hoping somehow that the wallet would drop to the ground.

Then he remembered.

He had left his wallet on the coffee table after paying the maiguard that morning.

By this time Sisi Yemisi was eyeing him suspiciously, and Stan was regretting the fact that he had not enforced the pay before service rule.

“No vex abeg”, Uncle Bola started, “when I go home, I will ask Tola to bring the money for you, and you too Stan”.

.....................................................................................................

Ida was sick and tired of best man duties.

Ida was sick and tired of being sick and tired of best man duties.

And the rules kept changing. According to the #BenZee17 Groomsmen planning committee, the best man had to buy wedding shoes for himself and the groom, while the groom would buy the suits.

“Which kain scam be that?” He fumed as he drove home.

Anyway, this would be the very last time he would ever agree to be a part of anybody’s wedding party. Ever.

His phone rang. It was Ben, the first (or second) half of #BenZee17. Ida considered ignoring the call as he could not trust himself to be courteous after spending the previous two hours trying to convince the other groomsmen that wearing peach coloured suits was not a good idea.

But he shook his head and picked his phone. Ben was after all his best friend, never mind his choice of ‘other’ friends.

“Ida, please I need a favour. Zee’s car is at the mechanic’s workshop and she borrowed mine after dropping me off at Stan’s shop. She is running late and I know it’s on your way. Please if you don’t mind, can you give me a lift? We need to talk about the wedding anyway and catch up on stuff. Is that okay?” Ben asked

“Sure Bro, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” Ida replied

.....................................................................................................

It was her eyes, he thought to himself some days later.

She had paused at the door, scanned the room quickly, settled them on him briefly, before making a beeline for the barber.

For a moment, he was puzzled. She had looked round the room almost passively, as if she couldn’t see anyone. Almost as if she just wanted to deliver her message and leave the room as quickly as she had come in. But she had hesitated when she saw him, he was almost sure of this.

He felt certain urgency when she turned to leave the room.

Against his better judgement, he got up, leaving a puzzled Ben, and ran after her.

When she turned and smiled, he couldn’t speak for a moment.

“I was right, you saw me in there, right?” Ida said.

“I saw everyone,” Tola replied.

“Fair enough, but I hope you’ll see me again” Ida replied.

Tola smiled.

They chatted for a while and exchanged phone numbers.

Later that night, Ida woke up with a start when he remembered that he had agreed to loan his car to Ben for a whole week.

His mind had been so occupied with the beautiful girl he had met at the barber’s shop, he would have agreed to anything.

Tola.

#To’Da17

“Haha Ida is in love! Who woulda thunk it?”, he thought to himself as he drifted back to sleep.

Glossary of some terms

Moimoi- Traditional steamed bean pudding.

Things have cost-  Times are hard

Shey- Right? 

Maiguard- Security guard

No vex abeg- Please do not be angry

Which kain scam be that- What manner of deception is that?

A Daughter's Affirmation

Allow me to reintroduce myself

I am a little girl who believes

I am a princess
Daughter of the King

Loved and cherished by Him

He would go any length for me

He gave everything for me

He gives all things to me

I am precious in His sight

Of more worth than gold and the most precious stones

Those can be bought with money

He paid for my sins with His very own life

I am beautiful

Fashioned by the greatest artist and sculptor of all

His brush strokes are intentional

Everything exactly right

And He calls me beautiful

I am heard

Though my voice is tiny and sometimes shaky

Even when all I have is silence

Or tears

He hears the innermost stirrings of my heart

The thoughts of my mind

And He answers

I am seen

When I am by myself, or in the midst of the multitude

When I feel alone or invisible

I am still seen

By He who saw me in the darkness of my mother’s womb

When I was yet a shapeless mass of cells

I am seen

By He who gave me form; who gave me life

Who gives me a future

I am led

By He who knows my future

I am known by God

How wonderful is that?

He knows my name

He cares

So I am bold as a Lion

Fearless

Full of Courage and Confidence

I soar as an Eagle

Focused, determined

I fly high

I am surefooted as a deer

I am a warrior

Victorious always

Because He is with me

Yes! The God of the Heavens and the Earth is with me

I am His

He is mine

2 Cor 6:18 And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.

Psalm 45:13 The King's daughter is all glorious within; Her clothing is interwoven with gold.

References: This is just me reaffirming some of the things the Bible says about me.

Picture: https://uk.pinterest.com/explore/dad-quotes/

Look What I Found!

Two days ago, I went in search of the famous Elgin Cathedral and found Elgin’s best kept secret! I found one of the few Biblical Gardens in Europe! I had not known about the garden prior to that day so imagine my surprise! Yes I was screaming (inside) when I found it.

Interestingly, even though the garden is only officially open to the public between May and September, I found the gates opened and was able to spend a few precious minutes there! Awesome right? Another God-incidence in a month filled with pleasant surprises.

So, the Biblical garden in Elgin was planted in order to bring the Bible to life through plants, sculptures, bible passages and other depictions of notable events in the Bible. One hundred and ten plants mentioned in the Bible are planted here! The cross is at the centre of this three-acre garden which also contains many different sculptures including Jesus at the well (a real well), Sampson, Jesus as the good shepherd, Moses receiving the Ten Commandments, the prodigal son, and many others.

Jesus at the well

The most amazing thing to me is the age of the garden. Planted beside the ruins of the approximately 800-year old Elgin cathedral, the Biblical garden is only 20 years old. This contrast between the old and the new is soul-stirring to me. The old cathedral represents a generation when Christianity played a major role in the lives of the people in Elgin, Scotland and most of Europe. I believe the new garden tells us that the word of God is still evergreen, relevant and alive today.

It is also amazing that the idea of the Elgin garden was not conceived by the church but by the city council. Only twenty years ago, the city council, community, local businesses, schools, and church came together to raise funds and plant this amazing garden centred on the truth of the Gospel. Incredible, right?

This fills me with hope; in this generation where many have turned away from God, God is still able to use people to spread the truth of the Gospel in ingenious ways.

Dorothy Frances Gurney wrote that “One is nearer God’s heart in a garden than anywhere else on earth.” This may be true because gardens are mentioned numerous times in the Bible; for example God planted the first garden in Eden and put man in it; Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane; and immediately after His resurrection, Jesus was even mistaken as a gardener by Mary Magdalene.

Somehow I believe that even though the cathedrals of old are now in ruins and the old church buildings are being converted for other uses, around us, biblical gardens are being planted on the earth and in the hearts of men. After all, the Bible refers to the hearts of men as soil in which the Lord plants His word (Matthew 13:1-23). The word of God is alive in the hearts of men today.

I can’t wait to see the garden in Spring, Summer, and my favourite season Autumn!

For better pictures and more information about the Biblical garden, please see www.biblicalgardenelgin.co.uk

Pictures: First two are author's pictures, third picture is from https://britishheritage.com/elgin-and-its-biblical-garden/

The Great Beautiful Outside

Calabar, Nigeria

I fell in love with the beach a long time ago. I first went to the beach with my family for a Christmas family beach party when I was a little girl. Many years later, I went with my classmates (twice), a few very close friends and alone. I have been to the beach a lot more times, but these four were the most memorable. 

Until last week.

I remembered my love for the sea last week when I went on a solo vacation. I walked for hours on the beach, dipped my hands into the freezing water, sat on the sea stones, and just gazed across the water.

I fell in love again.

I was inspired.

And I remembered that some of the best times I have had were spent in the great beautiful outside. Some of my favourite pictures were taken outside.

So today, I was going through my photo library and saw some pictures I took in different beautiful places across Nigeria. Nigeria is beautiful and I want to see more and experience more of this beauty.

Warri, Nigeria

Warri, Nigeria

And most times, I don't even have to go far from home for the experience.

Abuja, Nigeria

 

Calabar, Nigeria

I stayed indoors a lot last year.

William Shakespeare said the earth has music for those who listen.

I want to listen, I want to hear, I want to dance and make music of my own. 

One day at a time

It's easy to stay motivated in the first few days of a New year, or the first few days of starting something new.

This year, I want to write one blog post everyday.

This is partly motivated by my favourite Facebook page (NasDaily), where Nas updates one-minute videos everyday. Even though we watch each video for only one minute, it takes the whole day for him to think about a topic, write a script, go out and actually film videos, and edit the videos. I think he said in one of his videos that the hardest part is thinking about a topic.

In the past few days, I have been on holiday so it has been relatively easy to write. Now, I do not have so much time and I don't want to write for just the sake of writing. Can I really write one interesting blog post everyday? 

I don't know.

A Facebook friend said if we think too far ahead (about the things we have to do), we may get scared.

Writing 365 articles is scary. Writing one article a day? Not so much.

Eating healthy for 365 days? Scary. Eating healthy today? Not so much.
Go to the gym everyday for 365 days? Scary. Exercise today? Not so much.

So, I am taking one step a day. Some days I'll take giant steps, but some other days I'll take little steps. I guess that's what is really important; to keep moving.

P.S. I'm really happy today. 

And you really should like NasDaily on Facebook.

And listen to Moving Forward by Mali Music

Picture source: Author

Tides- What on Earth is this blog about?

I knew very little about tides until yesterday *covers face*.

The risk you take when you blog about learning new things is that the readers may already know much more about them than you do. But that’s fine because this is not an educational blog and I am not really aiming to teach or preach. However, some others may not know about them, so yay, let’s learn together.

This brings me to the question I have not really answered, which is, what is this blog really about? What do I aim to achieve by blogging?

A friend of mine started a radio show today and she took great pains to outline and explain what the show is about. I think this is very helpful for the listeners as they know exactly what they are tuning in to. It also helps the show host to remain focused and build followers in her niche.

My pilot blog post was about love, as it should be. However since then I have written about faith, first dates, weight loss, exercise, birds, movies, etc. I have written fiction, truth, and a mixture of both. I have written poetry, essays and stories.

So what exactly is this blog about?

According to my bio, “I once feared that my voice was not strong enough; then I lost it”.

This is true.

Prior to starting this blog, I had a lot of fears about my abilities. I almost did not start because I wondered if anybody would read anything I wrote. But I was just beginning to find my voice and did not want to lose it again. So I wrote. [Thanks for reading!]

This blog was initially about finding my voice. I wanted to be as authentic as possible. I still want to. So I wrote and I still write about the things I care about.

Sometimes I am tempted to focus on the topics that have the highest read stats. But some of the posts I really care about have the lowest L, so I can’t.

I pray this blog is a place of hope, encouragement, learning, laughter, love, and faith. Even though the posts may seem all over the place, I believe each one of them reflects one of more of the above themes.

We’ll have to talk about tides another day.  However, the tide was low today and I was able to see and walk on parts of the beach that I couldn’t see when the tide was high.

I pray that this year, on this blog, we will have new good experiences and walk on pleasant and beautiful places that we didn’t know last year. In Jesus name, Amen.

This blog post was inspired by the beach and my friend Loliya. So please tune in to www.radio31.org every Thursday at 8pm for 'In Conversation', a platform that encourages a reading attitude and knowledge sharing on topics such as personal development, science, and faith. The show will also provide links to materials for inspiration and growth.

Wonder lost?

Wonder (Noun): “a feeling of amazement and admiration, caused by something beautiful, remarkable, or unfamiliar.”

Oh, I do not want to lose my sense of wonder

To walk beside the ocean without pausing

To leave uninspired by the powerful waves crashing at the seashore

To not observe the different colours and shapes of the stones at the beach

To briefly note the five birds that seemed to hit the ground at exactly the same moment, then look away

To follow a well beaten path without thinking of the first one; the first man

To witness a mini sandstorm without amazement

To see the beautiful interaction between man and nature and just walk on by

To take a picture of the beautiful sky without acknowledging the artist

To have wonderful experiences and brush them off as coincidences

... How did the pastor know to preach about the same things I studied this morning?

... How did my mistakes and unplanned journey lead me to meeting and staying in the home of this lovely woman?

... What were the odds that she would be my birthday mate?

To see God and not recognise Him

To hear His voice and not pause to listen

Oh I want to feel a sense of awe

To see Your strength in the ocean and the wind

Your creativity in our differences, talents and gifts

Your beauty in the skies

Your faithfulness in the constancy of day and night, of winter and summer

Your Love in Jesus Christ

Oh I long to be filled with Awe

To look at you God with childlike faith

And say Abba, Father

Reference: Oxford dictionaries

Pictures: Author’s own

Please listen to: Wonder by Bethel Music

The King's Speech- Reflections

It is the third day of the year and I have already seen two movies. Oh and I think I have eaten more raw tomatoes this year than I did the whole of last year. This is a great year.

Okay, so I watched The King’s Speech on the first day of this year. I didn’t expect to like the movie and was sure I would leave before the end. However, I stayed till the end and absolutely loved it.

The movie is based on the true life story of King George VI (Formerly Prince Albert), who had a speech impediment. He stuttered badly and could barely read/say a complete sentence in public and even private conversations. Prince Albert was not meant to be king because he had an elder brother Edward VIII. However, Edward VIII renounced the throne in order to marry an American divorcee Mrs Wallis Simpson. So Prince Albert had to step in and become King.

Even before he became king, he had suffered many embarrassments while trying to deliver public speeches on behalf of the throne. Now he was going to take up a job that would require him to regularly speak to and on behalf of the greatest nation at the time. He felt unqualified and unsuitable to be king due to his speech problems and was overwhelmed by the duties that were required of him. As if that was not enough, the Second World War was looming, and Great Britain and the rest of the world needed a strong and inspiring leader at the time. As the king says in the movie “The nation believes that when I speak, I speak for them. Well, I can’t speak.”

He visited many speech therapists, doctors and quacks, and tried everything to overcome this problem, to no avail. Then his wife meets an unorthodox Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue who becomes friends with the king and helps him slowly but surely overcome his problem.

According to The Telegraph, “This vulnerable and stammering king proved to be exactly the right man at the right time. The stammering that defined him, and the courage with which he tried to beat it... A certain solidarity between monarch and subject emerged, especially when George VI overruled requests from the government that he and his family relocate to the safety of Canada.

The story is very inspiring with many great personal lessons to me. Sometimes, we may required to fill certain roles and perform certain duties that we honestly feel are above and beyond our capacities, training or experiences. We may have one challenge or inadequacy that prevents us from truly living. One thing that makes us feel unworthy. So we do not live, we stand back and sometimes let someone who we feel is more qualified do the job.

King George VI did not quit.

On the surface, it looked as if Edward VIII had more physical abilities to be king and would make a better king. But deep down in his heart, he lacked the qualities to be king. Among other personal and moral failings, he was unwilling and unable to take on the full responsibility being king required. According to The Telegraph, "he was more charismatic, handsome and fluent... but he was more feckless, self-indulgent, politically naive... and mean-spirited. George VI... had fortitude and dignity".

In the movie Lionel, the speech therapist, tells the king “You have such perseverance Bertie, you are the bravest man I know. You will make a bloody good king.”

This makes me believe that having the right heart is the most important thing of all. This also reminds me of a young king David who was anointed king over Israel because he had the right heart towards God. In 1st Samuel 16:7, when Samuel was thinking of anointing David's brother as king due to his physical attributes, "...The Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Thank you for creating in me a clean heart oh God through the cross. Help me to guard my heart (with your Word) with all diligence. In Jesus name, Amen.

Epilogue: The king's story inspired the screen writer of the movie, David Seidler, who also suffered from a significant stammer to believe that if the king could cope with a stammer, so could he.

References: www.kingsspeech.com, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/8223897/The-Kings-Speech-the-real-story.html
Image source: http://www.impawards.com/2010/posters/kings_speech_ver5.jpg

The Notebook

I have tried journaling numerous times. Almost everytime, I have been unsuccessful. The one time I wrote consistently for a long period of time, I lost all my electronic notes and I'm yet to recover them.

Two years ago, I started a thanksgiving journal (more like a notebook). However, I have not been very consistent in noting the things I am thankful for.

The thing about thanksgiving journals is that they are all rosy and cheerful. And I think everybody needs one because it is so easy to remember all the bad stuff and oh so difficult to remember the good times.

Today I read through the journal and I remember...

- the time I was very tired and could not work but prayed and received needed strength from God

- the time God literally left me speechless and I wrote "Jehovah, God of Israel, I am speechless. Thank you" in caps in my journal

- the day we prayed and God intervened in an impossible situation

- the many little coincidences or as we call them, God-incidences

- the time I was overwhelmed, forgot that it was a thanksgiving journal and wrote down a heartfelt prayer to God.

I also remember the things I did not write in the journal. I remember the many little and big miracles that have happened in this long walk with God.

The elderly lady in the movie 'War room' had a framed plaque of answered prayers on her wall.

Somehow I have framed a plaque of prayers that seem unanswered in my mind. But this little thanksgiving book helped me remember... There have been far more answers to prayers.

Sometimes it feels like a lonely walk.

But this journal has helped me to remember that not once, never once, did I ever walk alone. That when it mattered the most, God showed up.

Unplanned journeys

This morning I was stranded at a bus station, on my way to somewhere familiar. This evening I am sitting by the fireplace, wrapped up in a cosy Christmas blanket watching the king's speech with two lovely ladies I just met, in somewhere new.

Great stories usually begin with seeming mistakes, and unplanned journeys, right? I had it all planned out last night, or so I thought. I took a quick shower at work this morning, left early, hitched a ride to the bus station, and used Google maps instead of an actual bus website to plan my journey on New Year's Day. Rookie mistake.

I had three options: go back home, take a very expensive taxi ride to my intended destination, or go somewhere else. Long story short, I took option three after praying, and ended up in front of a sleepy but very accommodating bed and breakfast owner at 10am on a freezing New Year morning.

"You are lucky the guests left last night and I cleaned out the room immediately", she said while heaping my plate with hot food.

I don't think luck had anything to do with it. I believe that God knew I was going to stay here tonight and He prepared a way and a place for me.

I am very optimistic about this New Year. I do not have much figured out but I believe that God will somehow, someway, direct my path and help me this year.

I hope for and desire a lot of things, and there is the niggling thought that I may fail, that my resolutions may not make it past the first week, that the new will lose its novelty and I may wrap myself up in the comfortable but inadequate old.

I acknowledge this.

I also acknowledge the fact that if I try to do the things and make the changes I need to make on my own I would struggle, strive and fail.

So I'm believing and I'm trusting that the Word that gave light and life to the formless, void, and dark earth is at work and will continue to give light and life to this new year, to me, and to you.

Image source: https://valentinesdaywishes.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Best-Happy-New-Year-Pictures.jpg

Birthday Post

Yay it’s my birthday today!

I am so thankful to God because I am still here and I am healthy.

I have celebrated many birthdays and had a few special ones. Three years ago, I had a really special one with friends, food, cake and Karaoke. Last year’s was with family.

I will be spending most of the day alone since I am presently far away from friends and family. But I want it to be a little special, so I’ll be sharing some random things about me J.

Here goes:

My favourite colour is Army green, but I love all the colours of autumn including the dark brown of the naked (magical) trees.

I have not used face powder or foundation in three months! I’m letting my skin breathe. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I am slightly crazy about perfumes and my favourite fragrance is Versace’s Yellow Diamond.

My favourite blogs are shelovesmagazine, sophiasdiaries (my blog), lindaikeji, and koolstorys (even though she has not posted in a while).

My favourite facebook page is Nas Daily. Love him.

I love Mali Music, Eddie Redmayne, and Chris Pratt (latest addition). But I’m sure you guys already know this J

I am teetotal even though I don’t have strong reasons against alcohol.

Lyrics matter more than genre or beats to me... explains why I loved Eminem until I found it really difficult to sing along to lyrics about selling one’s soul to the devil. I mostly listen to Gospel music, and Travis Greene is at the top of my playlist just now. Oh with Phyno’s connect I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE LYRICS.

Tattoos: same as alcohol *gasp*

I watch really boring TV, mostly about antiques (antique road show, bargain hunt, storage wars texas), smarty pants (the chase, eggheads), food (chopped) and crime. Oh and I love Game of thrones and have read all the books but... lol

I remember useless bits of information so I think I’ll do well in a quiz game show. Weak points are sports, politics, and television shows. I also find it relatively easy to memorize stuff.

My best books ever, minus the Bible of course, are Pillars of the earth- Ken Follett, Redeeming Love- Francine Rivers, Efuru- Flora Nwapa, Toads for supper –Chukwuemeka Ike, Not a penny more, not a penny less- Jeffery Archer

I love dancing, and I’m pretty decent too! But I can't sing to save my life.

I think I am an introvert, probably a PhlegSan (but I’m not really sure).

I have cancelled two solo trips (to NYC and Paris) after making all the arrangements ‘cos, well, I chickened out lol.

I am presently living a minimalist lifestyle with very few clothes and possessions because I’ve been itinerant for a while now and had to let go of a lot of weight.

The best things about 2016 for me are the unconditional love of a two year old, reassuring words and moments from God, family time, graduation, friends, open door in Evangelism, and my brand new niece.

Finally, I need to sleep J

Self Love

“Tell me you love me,” I whispered, staring down at my feet.

He paused beside the open door and I could sense his hesitation.

“I love you Sophia... but you know I don’t really like it when you ask me to say it.”

Then he cupped my tear-stained face in his hands and kissed my lips gently.

“Sophia, I’ll never leave you.”

***

I blinked and forced myself to focus on the wedding proceedings. I should not have agreed to be Tomi’s chief bridesmaid. Not now. Not when I still had the band-aid on my heart. Plastic smiles look horrible in pictures and Tomi would never forgive me for ruining her wedding.

So I tried. I tried to focus on happier times.

But I could not remember any. The events of the past few months had erased them all.

We were going to live happily ever after, we had planned the wedding and my head was firmly the clouds.

“This is it; this is my dream man,” I’d thought, firmly pushing the niggling doubts that occasionally arose to the back of my mind.

Like the time you said you don’t like palm oil jollof rice.

The time you said you prefer weaves and wigs to natural hair.

The other time you said you like it when women wear makeup and high heels.

The day you suggested I dress a certain type of way; sleek not bohemian.

How you always felt your opinions were superior to mine, even when the opinions were about me...

But my palm-oil-jollof-loving-natural-hair-minimum-makeup-bohemian-dress-wearing self shrugged. Marriage is about compromises and surely all these were not too much to sacrifice for love. Surely there are far worse things than living without okpei infused palm oil jollof cooked with dry fish and beef. Being single, for example.

So I stayed.

I bought books, fixed a weave, wore shoes that made my feet hurt, and lost whatever belief I had in myself.

My voice, which I had only just begun to hear, was subdued. Again.

But you meant well. You wanted the best for me. I wasn’t living. You were teaching me.

So I stayed.

Then you left.

***

My phone vibrated.

“Sophia for goodness sakes give Tomi a handkerchief and adjust her dress. For once, take your job seriously.”

I bristled. The text was from Tomi’s younger sister, Tolu, who still had not forgiven me for usurping her as chief bridesmaid.

Lesson learnt, Tolu. Lesson learnt.

I hurriedly gave Tomi the handkerchief, adjusted her dress and even gave her a glass of water. She looked at me worriedly and I said a quick thank you to God for waterproof mascara.

I took my mirror out of my bag to check my face just to make sure my makeup was still intact.

Face, eyebrows, lips were still on fleek.

But beneath the layers, I could see the hurt little girl.

And I hear her, for the first time in months...

“Tell me you love me,” she says, in a tiny little voice.

I smile ruefully and wipe the tears that fall unbidden.

“I love you Sophia.”

 Image source: http://ilovemyself.net/25-daily-affirmations-to-improve-self-esteem/