First date diaries: Heart-breaker.

Heart- breaker

My heart has been broken once. I can almost hear all the ex-boyfriends protest this statement. I love hate to break this to you guys but y'all tried and failed. The one person that succeeded did not even try.

“You look like you need some attention.” He said

Who starts a conversation that way? Those were his first words to me. I had just had a terrible unproductive day at work, following which I decided to drown out my sorrows in the local pub. Misery likes company so when he took the empty stool beside me, I did not protest.

That was our first date; please permit me to call it a date. He looked so yummy in his rumpled t-shirt, jeans and cowboy boots. He had at least 2 days’ worth of stubble on his chin and looked like he just rolled out of bed.

I think I fell in love.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the loneliness, maybe it was the music, maybe it was his irresistible eyes... He was so pretty.

When I woke up the next morning to the sound of a thousand carpenters hammering away in my head, it helped to find that he was still as beautiful - lying in bed beside me- as he had looked the night before. So, it wasn’t the alcohol.

Later that day when I told Sade about him, she was not impressed. “I know guys like that , Sophia,” she said. “You have to be very careful. This one na chop and clean mouth and nobody finds a life partner that way! Nobody. In fact I am very disappointed in you…”

At this point, I had stopped listening to her. I did not blame her. She was married to a great guy and had a body to keep her warm every night. I did not. I had not even been in a relationship in almost 5 years, not to talk about getting married. I was entitled to this, dammit! She had no idea what it felt like going to bed alone every single night. I had been celibate for too long trying to be a good girl meanwhile all the bad girls had gone and married… Abeg abeg abeg… Or maybe she was just jealous; for the first time in a long time I was actually happy and she couldn’t deal.

I ignored her.

And who knew, he could fall in love with me too. We could get married and make pretty brown babies.

We spent all our spare time together. He stopped over on his way back from work every evening to pick me up, with my overnight bag and his dinner, and we would go to his place. We also spent our weekends together.

Weekends were the hardest because I had to go to church. Having been brought up in a strict Christian home, I always felt guilty whenever I missed Sunday service. The pastor seemed to be on my case every Sunday. It was almost as if he knew what I was doing. “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand!” He seemed to preach all the time these days.

I had already gone too far and I loved it.

How could this be wrong when it felt so right?

“I cannot stop this father, you have to help me. I know I am sinning against you, but I am weak and I need you to help me stop this unhealthy relationship even if it kills me.” I cried out one night when I could not take the guilt any longer.

Be careful what you ask for; you just might get it.

One day, it was a Wednesday, I stopped over at the market to buy fresh fish and pepper soup spice. I was going to make his favourite dish and I had bought some new clothes that I was sure he was going to love. After hours of preparation, I packed my overnight case and his food and waited for him to pick me up, as usual, on his way back from work.

He never showed up.

I panicked. Could he have been in an accident? Was he in the hospital? Dead? Was he dead?

His phone was switched off.

Ha!

At almost midnight, he sent a text. “I’m really sorry for not calling you earlier, I was in a meeting at work and we just finished. I am so tired so I will just chill at the hotel close to work. I hope you are fine. See you tomorrow, love” He wrote.

I was too relieved to be upset.

He didn’t show up the following day, or the day after, or the week after. He kept giving excuses. When he said he had to go see an uncle in the village, Sade told me that I should just accept that the whole affair was over. “Sophia, I don’t want to say I told you so oh, I really don’t want to… but you should have seen this coming na.That guy na player. But you no gree hear…” She said.

Heart break is a terrible thing. The thing dey pain. I went through the various stages:

Denial: “maybe he really is busy, what if I am just reading too much into this. He will come back when he is done with work and we will go on holiday together.” I thought to myself. I think I stayed in this stage the longest.

Anger: “How dare him!”

Bargaining: yes, I sent hundreds of messages. Called him, pleaded, and begged. I needed him back in my life.

Depression: For weeks, I could not eat, sleep, read, work, pray or do anything useful with my life.

Acceptance: I know he is gone now. I think I have accepted this. I now know it is better for me this way. I have gone back to God. Sought and found forgiveness and I am in a good place right now. For the first time in a long time, I am experiencing growth in my spiritual life and walk with God. I am happy.

But I still need closure. Sade said I should forget about this, but I can’t. I need to know why he did what he did.

So, it’s my birthday in a few days. I hope he comes. Sade’s husband Kunle is to make sure he attends. I will be having a house party with all my close friends and there will be karaoke! I will be giving the solo performance of my life and even though there will be a crowd, it will be for one person. I do not need to practice; neither will I need the tele-prompter during the performance. I know the words by heart. The song I will be singing is “Somebody that I used to know” by Gotye.

I hope it helps

I hope I find closure

Do not tell me about pride

I lost that a long time ago