Sophia's diary: August 2017

Thirst - the poem

I imagine how you would taste

Are you a hot cup of Earl grey on a snowy winter’s day

Or a tall glass of ‘ice water’ under the Abuja sun

I know I want more than a taste

I’m thirsty and I need a drink

This sounds a bit lame

You’re looking out your window at another

I’m sure she’s had a taste or drink or whatever

She’s close to the waters how could she be thirsty

But I’m thirsty and I need a drink

I wonder if you are the ocean or a calm clear lake

Would you be salty or natures divine spring

Would my thirst be quenched; would you I be left wanting for more

From the look in your distant eyes it might be the latter but

I’m thirsty and I need a drink

So I move closer and offer my cup

You turn to me and my knees go weak

Its fair weather but I feel both a shiver and a fever

You pour your drink and my lips quiver

I’m thirsty and I have a drink

Sweet, the taste of your nectar on my tongue

Salty, I’m not sure if it’s my tears or you

I drink up as fast as I can and hold out my cup to you

But you’re gone

Hot, I knew it, you felt more like Earl grey than cold water

Cold, the way I feel now that you’re gone

Salty, it was you all along! What have I done?

I’m still thirsty and I need a drink

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Tears

Do not ask me not to cry

I cried after the surgery

When the meds wore off

It hurt long after the knife left

It hurt after the scar was formed

I cried before time healed the wound

I cried when Mariah left Nick

So I beg you

Leave if you must

But do not ask me not to cry

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Letter from my diary

I long to know the words your lips are afraid to say

Words your mind is scared to form

So I wait for you

Hoping you’ll somehow be brave enough to let the pen write

And you’ll write without thinking; with lots of feeling

Words you do not know yet

“I can handle it”, I whisper

I’m not like that gossip, your computer

Share your secrets with me, no one would ever know

Facebook will never know

Fill me up, file me away

Lock me up if you please

But write in me

Release them

Words left unsaid for far too long

Long before he left

I saw the fear in your eyes when he slammed the door

The night you lost your voice

“Dear Diary...” I hoped you would write

When you looked at me, and flipped through my pages

But you turned away

You need me

We both know this

Write in me, no one would ever know

File me away or tear me to shreds

At least you would be free from the words burning in you

Write, baby, write

I see you typing away on your keyboard

Traitor

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Rain

“Every time it rains, I fall to pieces

So many memories the rain releases...” Ace of Base

I remember the wine and ‘missing cake’ from all those years ago

The cake got smashed up, you said

Just give it to me like that, I thought

I remember the surprise gift and visit

I remember the promise of forever

I remember the pouring rain

And the time I danced in the rain

I was cold

But there was a fighter within,

“You won’t defeat me!” she roared

I learnt to ignore the rain

Plod on in spite of the storm

And appreciate the good days

Those rare occasions when it didn’t rain

But today,

“I see dark clouds out my window; I know the storm is coming any minute...” Ace of Base

And it makes no sense, but I feel Hope

Hope because God knows, He feels, He hears

Hope because He cares, He loves, He answers

“Look, here comes the very first drop...” Ace of Base

I am ready

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Dance

My voice is out of tune and my steps are without rhythm.

I would love to hit the right notes, the high ones, the impossible ones.

Sing my song with the passion, skill and energy that would make you all stop and stare.

But I cannot.

It’s a complicated melody.

I need a lot of training, practice, discipline.

I need a vocal coach.

Maybe next year, I’ll sing better.

Then I will sing louder and shout from the roof tops.

Maybe you would hear me then.

I keep trying to find my rhythm.

I know I will dance better when I find a drummer.