Tick tock (Concluding story)

Tick tock (part 3)

“Even when the Jury and the judge say you have the right to bear a grudge, it’s the whisper in your ear saying set it free...” Forgiveness – Matthew West

“I am not dying Priscilla.” He said.

That made me smile. After all these years, George could still read my mind. My friends think I have an inscrutable face. Not George, he could always call my bluff.

“Poker night is not the same without you George.” I said

He smiled and his mouth curved up in that slightly crooked way that always made me want to reach out and straighten his lips. To fix his smile. Mum said that I needed to work on my obsessive compulsive need to fix everything and everyone around me. She said that was one of the reasons why my marriage was crumbling. I did not believe that for one second. George and I both knew why our marriage had crumbled.

He had cheated.

Tick tock 2

Tick tock 2 (Priscilla’s story)

It was getting late. The alcohol was long gone and I was too tired to go out and buy another bottle. I was more than just physically tired, I was emotionally and mentally drained. My marriage had taken its toll on me.

I had lost interest in everything and my mood was persistently low. The doctor said I was clinically depressed and had prescribed some medications. But how do you treat the symptoms when the root cause was eating into me daily like a cancer.

I was tired of trying; tired of trying to fix something that could not be fixed. It had gone from bad to worse and when the sex, the last thing that held us together, stopped, I employed the services of a divorce lawyer. I did not intend to be caught off guard.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

"This used to be a funhouse, but now it's full of evil clowns. It’s time to start the countdown..." P!nk - funhouse

Tick Tock

Ten years

Ten bloody whole years

Priscilla took a swig from the almost empty gin bottle. She knew drinking was a bad idea. Especially today. She should not be drinking today. He would be furious if he found her this way. The thought made her smile; he never got angry these days.

First date diaries: The young and the restless

The young and the restless.

“There’s always one that gets away. The one that sneaks up on you then slips away” P!nk

Most times I do not remember him. It happened a long time ago and I like to think that I am over it, that I am over him. Then the little things happen and I find myself remembering.

Like last week, during my mandatory quarterly spring clean (just in time for the Landlord’s inspection), I found the dress he bought for me on my birthday. Many years after the break-up, that dress is still the most expensive piece of clothing I own. I know it does not fit anymore but I am reluctant to let it go, I mean that dress probably cost more than I earn in a month. I looked around at my pile of clothes and shoes and wondered what my wardrobe would have looked like if we were still together.

The other day when I went perfume shopping, I thought about him. I never bought perfume for myself when we were together. And he bought only the best. I thought about my account balance and carefully sidestepped Dior, Chanel, Wang, and the likes, and bought Beyonce’s Pulse. I had the perfect excuse - I am a huge fan of king Bey and a card-carrying member of the Beyhive. That is my line and I am sticking to it.

Flash Back Friday... wrote this 10-12 years ago lol

The moonlight was meant for us
And on our nights unfailingly present
Hand in hand we strolled
And our hearts we shared
If only we had saved those moments
If only there were frozen forever
But we took it for granted
Thinking we'd be together forever
And now that we are apart,
Every night I see the stars
And hope they are shining down
On a love as great as ours

Words were not necessary
In our eyes were no secrets
The rest of the world did not matter
In you was my world
Your smile was a treasure
Your arms a shelter
You made me feel loved
And now I feel a great loss

I wish I could go back in time
If only to see your smile
I tried to find a substitute
But you could not be replaced
'cos a bond had already been formed
I worried if you felt the same way
And nearly ruined it all

Then we parted,
Your letters were a lifeline
In a sea of loneliness
And when they stopped,
I was engulfed
I am so glad you are back
And I wish it could be the same again

First-date diaries: The head over the heart?

“If you don’t like where you are, change it. You’re not a tree.” Jim Rohn

It was time to change my status from single to married.

I had just returned home after a year abroad (or maybe it should be the other way round – abroad after a year at home), during which I had grown tired of gypsying around and wanted to start my own home. Also, I was finally free of the five year ‘long-distance, roller-coaster, emotionally-draining’ relationship I had been in. It was time to start afresh. It was time to get married. No more dilly-dallying and waiting around for Mr perfect, I was going to be pro-active.

First date diaries: Heart-breaker.

Heart- breaker

My heart has been broken once. I can almost hear all the ex-boyfriends protest this statement. I love hate to break this to you guys but y'all tried and failed. The one person that succeeded did not even try.

“You look like you need some attention.” He said

SAMSON

"Out of the eater, something to eat; out of the strong, something sweet." 

Samson’s story is routinely summarized as that of a young strong man who fell in love with the wrong person and subsequently lost his strength and life. But there is so much more to learn from this great man…

Samson knew that he was extraordinary. Others knew it too; his parents, the philistines to whom he was a thorn in the flesh, and his kinsmen (the Israelites). Sometimes a person knows that he/she has potential but other people do not agree. Other times, the individual may not see the potential in him/herself even though others clearly do. Low self esteem, insecurities, socio-economic circumstances, among other things, may make a person feel that he/she cannot achieve greatness. As Christians, we are extraordinary. We are called to mount up with wings as eagles, run and not get weary, walk and not faint. We are talented, blessed beyond measure, the head and not the tail, above only. We do not have the spirit of fear in us and there is nothing we cannot achieve.

Samson knew that nothing could hold him down- he knew how physically strong he was. He knew that braided hair, freshly cut ropes, and an army of philistines could not hold him down. As Christians, we should not yield our bodies to those things which previously enslaved us (when we were not born-again). Do you not know that he who the son of man has set free is free indeed? We cannot be comfortable having ropes around us when we can get up and the ropes will fall off like burnt flax.

Samson was filled with the Spirit of God. The spirit of God gave him extraordinary physical strength that empowered him for everyday battles. Today we may have some physical challenges in our marriages, relationships, work place, finances, health, etc and we have been trying with our physical strength but to no avail. If we truly are filled with the Spirit of God, then we can ask us for extraordinary strength to help us in these areas.

Samson knew the source of his strength. He knew that he would lose his strength when he lost his hair, so he kept his hair growing. I am not sure what made him tell Delilah the source of his strength. I mean he had no reason to trust her because she had betrayed him more than once. Love, they say, makes us do stupid things. Or maybe he was proud? Maybe he thought later on that even without his hair he would be strong enough to defeat the philistines on his own? Pride is a terrible thing and has caused the downfall of many men and women. As Christians we have to be extra careful because the devil lurks around looking for whom he can devour. He knows that he has already lost the war because of the victory on the cross and tries to get us as far away from Christ as possible. We should never ignore the sources of our strength- praying, reading the Bible, caring for one another, truly loving our brothers and sisters, evangelizing, fellowship with God and one another, worship, etc- and try to do stuff on our own. Remember, the word of God says ‘by strength shall no man prevail’ and ‘without Him we can do nothing’. Do not go into battle without THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD.

Samson’s hair grew again. Samson lost his strength and was taken into captivity by the philistines. Those who were weaker than him held him bound and removed his eyes. BUT HIS HAIR GREW AGAIN. And when he prayed ‘Oh lord, give me strength just one more time’, his strength came back. What could have ended as a sad story did not. He died with a smile on his face knowing that He who said He would never leave him nor forsake him, never did. In his dying moments, he achieved much more of what he was sent to do than he did when he was alive. In his weakest moment, he was able to do much more than he did at his strongest point. Someone said that we may lose fellowship with God because of our sin BUT his covenant remains certain and sure. It doesn't matter how far you have gone or how long you have been away or how many times you have fallen, his arms are open wide to receive you and your hair will grow again. Are you weak and heavy laden, trust in the Lord today and he will strengthen you.

Today, I am Samson- extraordinary, indomitable, filled with the spirit of God, totally dependent on God, and strong.

Bible reference: Judges 13 - 16

First date diaries: I am not my skin

First date diaries: I am not my skin (sunscreen)

“I’m way too black to burn from sun-rays.” Kanye West- Clique

I should have known something was wrong when the lady at the Heathrow Mac store advised me to buy an NW 50 mac powder. “But I usually use the NW 45”, I protested. She looked at me, shook her head - and I could see she was trying to be polite - and said: “I think the 45 will be too light for you, you are definitely a 50.” So I tried the NW 50 on, it was not too dark for my skin, and I did not want to argue, so I let it slide.

PhD Diary (30 day challenge)

Dear Diary,

Today has not been very productive. I know I have worked on three papers- compared to yesterday's two- but that is not nearly enough. I would rather be in bed or propped up in front of the television watching football... anywhere but this third floor library that I chose to get away from everybody. I guess my office mates are probably worried because they have not seen me in two days, but that is the least of my problems.

I can't see the big picture. Trust me, I have tried. I have been back for three weeks and it is taking longer than I expected to settle in. I guess I should think about graduation day. All this will pass and that day will surely come lol...

Why am I doing this again? It's not the toughest thing I have done in my life. Compared to undergrad and masters, it's probably the least challenging... or most challenging. I don't even know anymore.

Anyhow, I will be starting a 30 day challenge. 30 work days. 30 no excuse days...
So Help Me God.

Uchene

MOVIE REVIEW: God’s not dead (Warning: contains spoilers)

“Scientists have announced that based on their research, God is a myth” from the music video ‘God’s not dead’ by Newsboys

I found the movie title interesting because I live in a city where many people do not believe in God and old church buildings have been converted into lecture theatres, pubs and nightclubs. The presence of these buildings and history show that God was a huge part of the community in times past. If God was ‘alive’ then, does that mean He is dead now? Or is He only alive in African cities where churches seem to be springing up daily on every street and street corner?  I hoped the movie would help answer some of these questions.

First date Diaries- The ‘special one’

I love him. I probably always have…

First time I saw him was in class- we were in different departments but taking the same elective course. He never said a word to anybody but came to class alone, sat by himself, and left immediately after without socializing. I was drawn to him… like a moth to light and I spent most of our classes watching him rather than listening to the lecturer.

Bird - watching 101: The woodpecker

Bird watching 101: The Woodpecker

The woodpecker fascinates me. I imagine butting my head repeatedly into a tree to get food and feel terribly sorry for the bird. Some of these birds peck wood as many as 12,000 times a day!  I feel like screaming: “what are you looking for there? Is there no food on the ground? Can’t you find a mate some other way? Must you live in a tree”?  Surely, some kind of evolution should have taken place to replace the need for this constant head bashing. Life should not be that hard. How does the woodpecker do it?

ACHSAH (Part 3- final)

ACHSAH (Part 3- Concluding part)

Kiriath-Sepher! That dreaded city with the surrounding mountains, fortified walls and Anakim! Anakim were giants that were greatly feared by the twelve tribes and Canaanites.  O Papa, why are you doing this to me? I know I should trust you papa. I know you only want the best for me. I know you love me papa... It’s just very difficult to trust you now.

Shortly after Moses died, the twelve tribes led by Uncle Joshua crossed the Jordan into the Promised Land. A lot of battles had been fought since the first battle at Jericho and from the look of things, there would be many more wars to come. Papa had asked Uncle Joshua for the occupied hill country of Hebron for his inheritance. Hebron was also known as Kiriath-arba after Arba, the greatest man among the Anakim.

TRUTH

I am truth
I cannot be stopped
I cannot be killed
Truth is the fire on my tongue,
The burden in my heart

In my search for truth, I found more than I bargained for 
You see, when truth is revealed, lies are exposed
Now all I see around me are lies
But that is okay because truth lives within

Achsah (Part 2)

Achsah (Part 2)

It had been three days. Three days since the worst day of my life. I could still remember the laughter and mama helping me up from the floor. I was so embarrassed that I had not left the house in three days. I could not bear to run into him. "He probably thinks I'm a clumsy little girl," I thought. Mama told me that I was overreacting, and Cousin Diana, well she had lost her patience.

First date Memories- Love at first sight

First date memories- love at first sight

I believe in love at first sight. True. It has happened to me. I can still remember that evening like it was yesterday. He was waiting for me outside the restaurant, wearing a t-shirt and pair of dark blue jeans. Pink. He was wearing a pink tee. Anyhow, we hugged and I caught a whiff of his cologne. “He smells really nice”, I thought. We were off to a great start.

Achsah. (Part 1)

Achsah (Part 1)

“Mama tell us the story again”, Rachel screamed. At least thirty children were gathered round the fire, waiting for mama to begin. There are not many story tellers in town and it is not unusual for children from neighbouring tents to gather in our family compound every time the weather permits. Their favourite story is ‘the story’. The children never get tired of hearing it over and over again, and I love the story also. Mama is a great story teller and ‘the story’ is her favourite. I watched as she dusted her skirts, picked Naam our youngest baby off the floor, and sat on the stool, ready to begin her story.

Inspired by the people who have loved me

Inspired by the people who have loved me

I've always been drawn to beauty

I've never really understood love

Love to me meant butterflies in my tummy      

Kisses that took my breath away

Spontaneity

Dancing in the rain