First date diaries: The young and the restless

The young and the restless.

“There’s always one that gets away. The one that sneaks up on you then slips away” P!nk

Most times I do not remember him. It happened a long time ago and I like to think that I am over it, that I am over him. Then the little things happen and I find myself remembering.

Like last week, during my mandatory quarterly spring clean (just in time for the Landlord’s inspection), I found the dress he bought for me on my birthday. Many years after the break-up, that dress is still the most expensive piece of clothing I own. I know it does not fit anymore but I am reluctant to let it go, I mean that dress probably cost more than I earn in a month. I looked around at my pile of clothes and shoes and wondered what my wardrobe would have looked like if we were still together.

The other day when I went perfume shopping, I thought about him. I never bought perfume for myself when we were together. And he bought only the best. I thought about my account balance and carefully sidestepped Dior, Chanel, Wang, and the likes, and bought Beyonce’s Pulse. I had the perfect excuse - I am a huge fan of king Bey and a card-carrying member of the Beyhive. That is my line and I am sticking to it.

A friend of mine got engaged last night. What started out as a regular birthday party became so much more when Jide went down on one knee and proposed to Seun. All the girls started screaming almost simultaneously and it took a while before everybody calmed now and Seun presented the ring for our inspection. And what a ring!

I remembered the ring he gave to me the night he proposed. It was his grandmother’s he had said. The loveliest, perfect, intricately designed and yet delicate ring I had ever seen in my life. That was when I knew... I knew I had to say no.

I was 21, he was 40.

I was young, I was restless. He was mature, he was ready.

We met for the first time just outside Silverbird cinemas in Lagos. I was carrying a suspiciously large bag which contained drinks and food purchased from a mallam across the road because there was no way I was going to spend thrice the amount for a bottle of coke inside the cinema building. The challenge was getting past the guards at the main entrance; I knew they would ask to search my bag and I needed to prevent this.

I looked around desperately for a way to distract the heavily-built security guard that was walking determinedly towards me, eyeing my bag. He reminded me of a bulldog. You would think that the movie censors board had plastered my face on some ‘wanted movie pirates’ board with the way the guard was looking at me. That’s when I saw him walking just behind me - a tall, dark, slightly older looking man in white guinea brocade and very dark sunglasses.

I immediately turned to him. “Good evening Sir,” I said. “You look very familiar.”

He looked down (I’m quite short, you see), and his mouth slightly curved up in what I would later know as his ‘amused but slightly irritated’ look.

I did not care; I could see the guard bearing down on me so I continued...

“I’m not sure where we met sir but you look very familiar, maybe church? Work? One of my parents parties...”

“Madam! Madam! Please open your bag for search!”

Ha! Mr Bulldog had finally caught up with me...

“The young lady is with me, James.” Mr Guinea brocade said.

“Yes Sir, sorry Sir, I did not know Sir, welcome Sir...”

The same guard that looked as if he was going to crush me with his bare arms was almost prostrating for this stranger as he opened the door wide enough for at least five people to walk through.

I was speechless for a few minutes and did not say a word until we were far away from the guards.

“Thank you Sir.” I finally said, and started walking away.

“So you are just going to use me and dump me eh...”

“Ha! No Sir oh, I wasn’t using you, you look familiar Sir.” I replied feebly.

“Then join me for a drink, maybe I could help you refresh your memory.”

“Wahala! What would we talk about?” I thought

But I had at least one hour before Aisha and Moni would join me and the movie was not going to start for another 90 minutes. Besides, he looked and sounded very interesting so I agreed to have a drink with him.

That was our first date.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. He was so intelligent, witty, knowledgeable and mature. He was also very proper and once when I made a loud slurping sound I could almost feel his disapproval. But all in all it was a great date. Well, until Aisha and Moni appeared. I quickly wrote my number on a napkin and dragged my friends away before they could embarrass me.

“Thank you for a great evening, Adams.” I said. “I hope we can do this again soon. And maybe then, you’ll let me see your eyes.” He had kept his sunglasses on all evening.

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. Aisha’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor and Moni and I had to physically move her from the bar.

I saw his full face on the second date.

“Sophia, I want to show you something.” he said, and took off his sunshades.

There was an ugly gaping hole where his left eye should have been with a huge rough scar running from the hole to the bridge of his nose.

I felt bile rush to my throat.

He put his hand over mine and I was not sure if I was the one shaking or him.

His good eye was fixed on me and I knew he was waiting for a reaction.

I swallowed and said “I’m sorry, Adams.”

He looked at me in disbelief and burst into laughter. We talked about the scar, how he got it and why he did not want to do anything about it.

I think I liked him more that night. Maybe I fell a little in love with him.

Our relationship definitely changed after that night: daily flowers, frequent gifts, lunch and dinner in expensive restaurants, phone calls that lasted for hours...

It was the perfect relationship.

One evening, Aisha walked in on me when I was watching a YouTube video on ‘dinner table etiquettes’ for at least the 10^th time. With the way I held forks and knives, one would think I had two left hands. I determined to learn how to eat properly so I would stop disgracing him at fancy restaurants.

Aisha was quiet for a while then said “hmm Sophia, this your bobo, e be like say na marriage runs be this oh?”

“marriage ke? I’m not ready for marriage and he knows that! I still dey school na, and I need to do a lot before I settle down abeg... please don’t scare me!”

“oya na, dey there dey deceive yourself. You think this man is joking? Person wan marry you and you dey form clueless. Better open your eyes and say yes because this man na jackpot oh!” she said.

“abeg, abeg...” I dismissed her but the seed had already been planted.

What if he asked me to marry him? I really liked him but was I in love? I didn’t think so. Well, not like in the movies. I did not have butterflies in my tummy and when we kissed, it was just there. I was not ready and I hoped he would not ask me to marry him.

He did. Aisha was right. Two days later, he proposed. Luckily, we were alone in his apartment when he knelt and offered me his grandmother’s ring. I panicked. I said No! He looked crestfallen and asked for a reason. “I don’t have any reason,” I said. “I am too young, I am not ready, and I am not sure I love you enough...” He was unconvinced.

I should not have said another word. I should have rejected the thought immediately it entered my head. I knew I would hurt him. I knew that that was the only way he would stop trying to convince me to say yes. So I said it. I lied. “It’s the eye,” I said. “I don’t think I could ever get used to it.”

I ran into him a year later. He was wearing a wedding band. I did not ask him about it, he did not offer any explanations. We talked about the weather and some general topics. I only wanted to say three words but somehow they stuck in my throat.

Adams, if you are reading this, I am sorry.