Doors

I never learnt to shut the door behind me. I remember Aunty Bimpe scolding me for leaving the door open. I must have been five or six years old at the time. The freshly made pot of Ogbono soup had been left on the cold kitchen floor, with the lid covering half off the pot. We had not had electricity in months; this was how we preserved our food. I left the back door ajar so the flies came in and rendered the soup inedible.

“When you do not close the doors, Sarah, the flies come in. The rats and cockroaches also...” Aunty Bimpe said.

I shuddered.

I am afraid of rats.

Two weeks later, I was home alone with Aunty Bimpe. I was asleep and Aunty Bimpe wanted to go to the market for some groceries. So she put me in her bed, locked the door, and went out.

She met me in tears, screaming and banging on the door when she returned.

When you left the first time, I didn’t shut the door behind you.

Things had changed forever.

You could no longer be mine.

I could no longer be yours.

But I left the door open.

You slipped in easily that Saturday night.

We talked about the past:

The suya spot where you kissed me for the very first time,

The park; where the words ‘I love you’ slipped out of your mouth for the first time. You looked as shocked as I was.

The church, during Jide and Toyin’s wedding. You looked at me and your eyes echoed my thoughts – ‘Soon’.

Then you left before midnight.

You always leave before midnight.

The preacher walked by my window at exactly 6am yesterday. Five years and he has never missed a day or been late for his early morning sermons.

“Do it for the pounded yam and egusi soup in your future; not the suya in your past.” He said.

I smiled.

The preacher always has the right word for me.

I shut the door last night.

The monsters crept out from the shadows reminding me of that unforgettable day so many years ago.

“You are alone. You will always be alone.” They taunted menacingly as they closed in.

I shut my eyes and tried to remind myself that the voices were only in my head.

Then I heard his voice.

“Do not be afraid, I will never leave you nor forsake you”.

The preacher, for the first time ever, was preaching at night.

Bible references: Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6,8