Sophia's diary: Broken

Andrew’s lawyer’s voice jolted me out of my reverie. I only heard the last part of the question.

“...do you agree that thirteen million naira is fair?” He asked.

I blinked and hesitated, but three pairs of eyes were watching me, waiting for a reply.

I nodded.

“But...” Stephen, my lawyer started.

I shook my head and gently touched his arm.

“It is okay,” I whispered.

Andrew looked at me in disbelief, as if he had expected me to protest.

I tried to catch his eyes, and for a moment, held his gaze.

I looked away in shock as I realised there was nothing for me there. Not in his eyes, not in his life. It was almost as if all we had shared had been never existed.

After thirteen years together, my soon-to-be ex-husband and I had lost everything.

Thirteen years ago, when he said ‘I love you’, I knew that he meant it.

Now, there was nothing.

I remember exactly where I was, and what I was doing, when my phone screen broke for the very first time. My precious Samsung S4. It happened on a Saturday morning while I was in Gee’s house getting ready for Tolu’s birthday party. I noticed that the screen protector had somehow peeled away and covered less than fifty percent of the phone. Irritated, I striped it completely off the phone. Thirty seconds later, there was a loud thud. My erstwhile crack-free phone had slipped and fallen on Gee’s hard tiled floor. When I picked it up, there was a long diagonal mark stretching from the top left side of the screen to the bottom right.

I do not remember how the second, third, or thousandth crack happened.

Today, I can’t use the front camera because it is all smashed up, the bottom left and right sides are completely gone, and every day, tiny shards fall from the screen.

“Tomi, I’m serious, I used to run 6 kilometres every morning,” I insisted, when I saw the look of disbelief on her face.

“You?” She replied, “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”

I sighed, “You know I don’t have a phone right now. Seriously, I was dreaming of running marathons, climbing mountains and so much more. I even wrote a blog post about it here.”

“No jokes. So what happened, why did you stop?” She asked.

I shrugged.

Truth is, I do not know. I even bought new exercise outfits, shoes and all, to encourage me. However, there is no motivation.

I think this is because beneath it all is a voice that says I can’t.

A voice I have believed.

It’s not just about my phone or my exercise routine. There’s other stuff like my thoughts, emotions, diet, routines, social media usage that I feel I have no control over.

I remember how I went from cheat day to every day, from portion control to ‘Please I am hungry’.

Now I cannot find my way back.

I knew that I wanted to go to the beach in Tel Aviv. I knew what bus to take, thanks to Google maps. However, after waiting at the bus stop for over one hour, I realised that I needed help.

I ignored all the older people at the bus stop, hoping that the girl whose t-shirt read ‘here to have a good time’ would be able to interpret the Hebrew bus signs for me.

“Do you speak English?” I asked her.

“No” she replied, “No English.”

“Ha! I am in trouble today!” I thought.

Finding English language speakers in Tel Aviv, for me, was like rolling dice and hoping that like Katniss Everdeen, the odds would be in my favour. Everybody spoke Hebrew. So, I learnt a few words in addition to Shalom, which means peace.

For example,

Good Morning – Boker Tov

How are you – Ma Nishma

Thank you – Todah

So imagine my surprise when I learnt that this language was basically dead for hundreds of years. Hebrew is now spoken by the overwhelming majority of Israelis, but it was dormant for many years being used solely for ritual and scholarly purposes, until the 19th century. This is the only ancient language to be resurrected this way. Amazing right?

See the story in the picture below.